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Rancho De La Reina - Christian Retreat & Conference Center |
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As most christian orginizations liberalize themselves and reject the commandments written by God in the Holy Bible, Rancho De La Reina continues to do exactly what scripture teaches every Christian to do. And that is to keep the temple of the living God a clean vessel, untarnished by even a hint of fellowship with the unrighteous.
Not affiliated with Rancho Del Rey Christian Retreat
"Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds" (2 John 1:9-11).
Our Beliefs
We Believe in the WHOLE Bible (1611 KJV). We don't throw out the parts that make us feel uncomfortable, like the book of Leviticus. We bid you greetings, friend. We do not read, eat, consume, digest, or 'try on' any product that is not made and manufactured by born-again, Bible believing, Fundamentalist Christians, and we would have you know that we condemn anyone that does, and pray as King David did, 'against them' for a quick end and a speedy journey to a very hot place, where they can spend out all eternity honoring our Lord and Maker in a literal lake of fire, Amen. Please find our site a blessing.!
What To Wear When Coming To The Ranch
We believe that when a person first gets saved, the first thing they should do is buy a suit and a tie. If the individual is a female, then a dress not raised over an inch above the knee is acceptable. Clothing is perhaps the most important thing about being a Christian. If one is not properly clothed and fully representative of what God would want them to appear like.. well then, that person is probably not saved. Our motto is "get saved, get to a Christian Clothing store, and get fitted for the kingdom." Anyone who does not conform to the dress code at Rancho De La Reina will be fined no less than $300.00 a violation. It is a privilege to be a Christian and we believe that it is about time folks started acting like it! 
Christian Behavior At The Ranch
A man should act like a man, and a woman should act like a woman. This is in full accordance with Romans 13. If you are not familiar with Romans 13, well then we suggest you read it. A good ten or twelve readings of Leviticus wouldn't hurt either. Our pastor sometimes uses his godly authority to invoke the Lord's Law from the Bible in Leviticus. This is sometimes too much for some folks. If they refuse punishment, then they have the option of paying a $500.00 fine plus expenses accrued by the planning committee of Levitical Law Implementation. If you haven't cracked a Bible in a few years.. then Rancho De La Reina is not for you.
General Rules
The following violations will result in a monetary fine of no less than $200.00 as to be determined by Church Pastors and Elders: Failure to show up at church on time, Failure to attend a church service without written permission from a pastor or other agreed upon authority, Church parking lot violations, Single males or females caught in the houses of members of the opposite sex without proper supervision, out after curfew, failure to tithe, failure to perform Christian Service obligations, Use of a church key without proper permission, Sleeping and/or horseplay during church services, reading of 'crime oriented' comic books, possession of alcohol outside of Post Communion Party regulations, idol worship, inappropriate dress in town or in church, dress related to 'counter-culture' movement, beards are not allowed except with special permission from Pastor Smith himself, long earrings on women, use of tampons is strictly prohibited, men with earrings or jewelry of any kind, hugging, possession of pornographic material (except for widowed or single men over the age of 65), failure to identify oneself to a church authority, failure to answer a call slip, witchcraft, dancing and/or skipping, association with Mormons, Unitarians, or any other occult activity, failure to conform to rules and regulations, failure to submit to authority, the questioning of church authority is not tolerated and may result in dismissal, failure to bring at least one new guest to church a week, failure to win at least one soul a week, disrespect, lying, stealing, cheating, plotting, failure to have a demon-possessed infant sterilized, attendance at non-Christian owned picture houses, and rock music. General Rules are subject to change at any time without notice. Visiters are expected to find out what the new rules are within two hours. Let us note here, 'A Christian who is interested in doing their own thing, will not feel comfortable at Rancho De la Reina.. we would even go as far to question whether or not that individual is a Christian to begin with.
Visiting Rancho De La Reina
You will want to make your reservations with one of our Christian customer service representives, or at your local ticket master outlet. Other services and guided tours can be arranged by calling the Ranch Information line at: 1-900-GOD-INFO.
Please note - If you do not have the same beliefs as we do, you are going to burn in Hell forever.
